Just a few more days..So anxious, nervous, and excited. Just a few more days of peace, of being able to do what I want and when I want.. although the big heavy belly is making me physically restricted and tired to do much now. Just a few more days of 二人世界... although we have not been able to do much (no babymoon! *sob*) since the end of first trimester as everything out there is restricted and under locked down. Just a few more days and my life will be changed drastically and externally.
It will be a tough and rough journey. There is so much uncertainties ahead, I am really scared. Very occasionally, I would wonder what I have signed up for. But ironically, this is also what I had been working very very hard towards over the past 6 years. Perhaps that is life's way of preparing me for the road ahead, so that I would continue to have the determination to bash through the challenges to come and not give up nor regret. It is after all the only goal I have been working towards for so many years. The physical pain and discomfort from the numerous medical checks and examinations, jabs, operations and acupuncture sessions, and the even more painful emotional drain from the cycles of hopes, anticipations, uncertainties and disappointments. I must have been very certain that this is what I want in life.
I believe this child is a godsend that is not simply the result of years of attempt. The medical treatment definitely helped to overcome a few obstacles, but there is only so much human can interfere with nature. The entire process - from growing a viable egg to meeting a viable sperm to achieving a viable match for fertilisation to getting the right thickness in the endometrial lining to implanting the embryo at the right place in the lining to the subsequent growth and development of the embryo from simple cells into organs and eventually a human form - there are so many stages that one can only pray and hope that all is well. Anxiety would lead up to every visit to the gynae (esp for the hubby) before the relief come from the scan showing that baby was growing well. It was till Week 25 that I could feel baby's movement (as I have an anterior placenta), and it was a joy being able to feel him every day since. I can feel his kicks getting stronger and stronger over time, and they are quite painful these few days (in week 38-39) when his 'side kick' stretched my tummy way beyond its normal round shape and also when he jabbed upwards into my ribs. Had to rub his feet/knee (?) and talked him into withdrawing back his kick. I have such an active and strong baby! :) I still find it hard to believe that I have a fully developed baby squeezed inside my tummy now, with hair and nails and all already formed! It is truly amazing.
All my life, my mum had been scaring me with her childbirth pain, and thus giving birth is one of the biggest fear in my life. To the extent that I had never considered having children. Until my dearest hub come along. No he didn't need to convince me; even before we touched on this topic, I already thought about starting a family with him. I know he would make a great father, that our child will grow up in a loving environment, that we would have so much laughter and happiness together. This man loves me so much, that I am convinced that this is what I want. Perhaps that is also why I marry him in the first place. :) I wasn't expecting it to be SO hard though to even reach the starting point, but having gone through so much makes me treasure this even more, and I am sure it would give me the strength to carry on in the future.
We are getting so excited to meet you, little one. Looking forward to welcome you into our lives in a few days time. Thank you for coming to us.