Am I missing smtg?have been reading friend's friend's blogs again... most of them are now studying in Singapore, mostly NUS. And reading abt their lives, their daily activties, their woes, their joys make me feel very... out of place. It seems like i'm missing out so much so much... seems like i no longer belong to the group of people i used to be in.
When i was young, studying in pri or sec school, watching how university life is like from TV dramas, I always felt that the uni students are all grown ups and have so much fun. They would give tuitions or do part-time jobs to earn pocket-money, have fun chilling out with their hallmates gossiping abt everybody, study earli into the morning with their coursemates during exam period, go out to play and have fun, take part actively in all sort of CCAs, and of course are either wooing or being wooed agressively, or trying to hide any one-way feelings, or falling in love with their good friends without realizing. And and and, there is also the big big campus where the rich young man would drive around to impress the girls. These are the very things we always watch from TV serials isn't it? And I would always think university is still quite far away in my life, and 20 years old seems to be pretty far away too... never really gave it much thought actually.
Even now, being a 20 year old, i realize i still haven't given it much thought. Maybe i did, but not in the way i used to think. Being in university doesn't seem to be the same as i used to think it would be. I don't feel as grown up, I don't feel as fun, I just don't feel the same as I imagined or used to think it would be like. How weird. But when i went to NUS to visit my friends last year, the same image fits perfectly again. The people did look quite grown up, the fun i imagined they had with their hallmates and coursemates seemed to exist, and all other tings fit into the picture very well too. So what is wrong? Am i really different from them now? Am i missing out something? Am i still in pace with them?
I really wonder, how my life would be if I had chosen to stay in Singapore. I'm very sure it'll be so so so different. At the very least I can go watch a movie as and when i like in the comfort of the big cinemas at Suntec or Orchard cineleisure or Plaza Singapura. I can imagine myself waking up earli in the morning and take the MRT all the way from the east to Buona Vista, and then taking the SBS bus to sch. I can imagine the workload and stress I'ld be facing, and complaining abt them with my good friends in my course. I would probably loiter ard in sch if i ever have any breaktime and tok cok with my gang of friends, just crapping and not making sense and laughing bimbotic-ly. I probably would be busy dating too... or crying my heart out. I probably would enjoy clubbing much more. I probably... probably... These are just guesses. Unreal.
I am not saying i regret coming to London. I never regretted because I can see what I've gained that many usually don't have the opportunity to. I'm just wondering... thinking about how much I've missed out. And how different I am now with some of my friends. Sometimes, I would even consider doing an exchange with NUS. haha.. tat realli sounds dumb, but for the sake of experiencing what i've always thought i would experience since young, it is an option isn't it?
Maybe i just miss home.
Other than that, here's a quote from
heart_w|sh^'s blog, another blog which i stumbled upon.
"
What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been? Of course I am. Why? Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you."
How true it is...