EveningmareI was traumatised, I was freaked out.... by an afternoon nap dream.
It started when I was reading an email from a friend. Felt kinda angry for the misconceptions and assumptions he had and the pressure I was given. I know it came with kind intention but I wasn't really in a mood to appreciate them then. I re-read the email many many times trying to find out what's wrong with me and my reaction. Anyhow, I finally decided that I was too tired and should take a nap.
After sometime, I 'woke up'. Opened my eyes and saw the very scene that I last saw when i fell asleep. Felt very drowsy though. So i closed my eyes again. I tried to turn my body to lie on my back, but to my horror, I couldn't! I know I was 'wide awake'. So I opened my eyes to see what is wrong. But no matter how i 'rolled' my eyes, I could only see one scene - the exact same scene that I saw when i first woke up. That made me panic, smtg is wrong. In the background I can hear Marvin said "Dinner's ready~". So I tried to shout for help. I really shouted very loudly... but no one is responding. Then the term "鬼压身" (gui ya shen) came to my mind. I have never experienced it before, could this be it??
Somehow, after a while, the pressure that I felt pressing against my body and my face started to 'peel' away. I can turn my body and move now, but still very lethargically because I could still sense some 'resistance'. My vision is still only seeing that one scene, so it's the same as I'm blinded. I wanted to call for help. But I can hear Jac in the kitchen having dinner with the rest. And since I couldn't make any sound, I thought of communicating by sms. By then, I was starting to be able to see smtg, but very blur. So I tried to search for Jac's name in my hp but I couldn't! I looked for 'Jac', 'Jacqueline', 'Lau'... all dun have! I gave up hope on sms and tried to move out of my bed. I managed to get out of bed and stand on the floor. I know i did because i can feel the carpet with my feet. Then i sat down, crossed my legs and calmed myself down trying to think of smtg.
It was then that I woke up. I opened my eyes, and saw the very scene that I was stuck to seeing in my dream. I tried to look around, thank goodness I could!!!! PHEW~ what a relief. I tried moving... and i did!! PHEW~ another relief. My neck was stiff and my head was quite heavy. I tried to think if I was still in the dream or if I am really awake. I am awake. Thank god man... I am alive(?)! Was still in a shock when Jac called me for dinner.
It had felt so real. The scenario is exactly the same. The 'scene' I saw when i first opened my eye, even the lightings were the same. Dinner is ready when i woke up. aAargh.. just so freaking same!! For a while i was really wondering if it's the 鬼压身 people talked about or if it's pure dream. I believe it's a dream because i didn't really end up on the floor when i 'woke up', but it's too real a dream~! People usually cant remember when they are in a dream, or even if they do, there'll be some 'dreamy' feelings? But not for this, I am very sure I am in a clear state of mind and is even able to control my thinking clearly. But... i choose to believe it's just a nightmare. evening-mare?
Probably I'm really too stressed. Too many things swimming in my head. And the pressure I was getting from people hoping to see me stand on my feet again is kinda suffocating. I really appreciate all your concerns... but please give me some time... Most of the things you peepz told me, I've thought of them b4. I can see clearly the situation I am in. I know for sure I will move on, but probably not in such a short period of time? I need some time for the hurt and the anger to 'wear off'. So please dun rush me.